who even knows?

I don't do yoga anymore..
mainly because I couldn't justify waking up that early.
and because instead of finding my chi, I was finding a crummy attitude and the need for a nap two hours later.
5:30 is far too close to the time I go to bed to be the time I wake up.
maybe when I'm forty.
maybe.
It's been awhile I guess... since the last time I sat here thinking about how to put things into words.. I thought for a long time that this was a monumental waste of time.. and it may be..but I've wasted time on less worthy things.
I was at work today and saw a child growl at his mother. yes.. growl. rather, I heard him growl.
You see, his mother was calmly explaining to him.. let's call him Billy... she was explaining to Billy that five mozzarella sticks was enough, and that he didn't need more.. Billy, crushed with the injustice of being denied more fried cheese, glared up at his stern mother and let out, from somewhere strange within him, what was unmistakably meant to be a growl. I pictured my seven year old bespectacled self growling at my mother, and it was followed by the mental image of a painful spanking and a swift exile to "time out."
Not Billy.
Billy's mother GROWLED BACK.
for a moment I wasn't at the pool at all... I was at home on my couch watching an episode of Animal Planet unfold before my eyes.
is that how people handle things these days? Has the advice of Dr. Phil gone awry? Or is this just one freak incident in which Billy was truly raised as a feral child by wolves and his "mother" was actually a woman who rescued him from the Canadian forests? I may never know. What I do know is that I only work for two more weeks, so my odds of being growled at by Billy the wild child are growing fewer...

breathe out..

got up at 5:30 this morning and dragged myself to yoga.

all the way there i kept thinking about the huge mistake i was making...waking up this early just to stretch and find my "chi"..

and, well, it probably was a mistake, becuase my chi's nowhere to be found, and I probably could have stretched at a normal time.. like 11:30.. but hey, whaddaya do?

anyway, we were wrapping up our session and the leader... craig, or chris, or charlie...(bad with names...awful actually) was leading some group breathing..which sounds creepy if you don't do yoga.. but he basically just counts, while we breathe... (I'm sure he breathes too..but that's beside the point..) anyway, he was having us breathe out for 2 seconds longer than we breathed in... and he said "most people don't breathe out enough"
the first thing I thought was..'that's ridiculous. everyone breathes out.'
the second thing I thought was.. 'i could breathe a lot easier if I wasn't in this awkward position'
then I thought... 'wait... he's right'

what are we holding our breath for?
you know how good it feels to take that enormous sigh of relief? to let all of that spent oxygen out as carbon dioxide? why don't we do it more often?
we're all holding our breath.. and I'm not quite sure why. it's like we're hoarding all this air, afraid that if we let it out we won't be able to take it in again... news: we will..
not literal air, of course.
but everything.. we're just holding on.. waiting.. 'till we turn blue in the face..and then what?

if you're holding your breath you can't laugh..you can't cry.. and you sure can't live very long

so maybe we should breathe out longer than we breathe in... give back more than we take.. let go more than we hold onto..

Good Morning. 

"good" is a relative term, I suppose, but good morning nonetheless. 

Blogs are interesting things. More sophisticated than xangas, or live journals (we'd like to think) but a place all the same for us to rant, vent, fume, word vomit, or do whatever we see fit.. 

what do I see fit? I'm not quite sure yet... 

I felt compelled to sign myself up for one of these.. join the masses, if you will... which explains the randomness of the title.. not a lot of thought went into that, so don't give me more credit than is due and assume it's something deep and profound... it's not.

This is also not a place where you'll find I've divulged the intimate details of my life.. most of the time I can't even figure those out, so this will be no place for that.

Perhaps it will just be somewhere for me to muddle through thoughts while finishing a cup of coffee.. or somewhere to touch base with the world when I'm out of the country.. 

we'll see